One highlight of The University of Southern Maine MFA program is their annual talent show. When I was a student ten years ago, we enjoyed everything from clarinet recitals, hula hoop performances and one-act plays to an excellent demonstration of finger shadow skills. My debut in the talent show was to sing a rewrite of Gaynor’s song depicting the work we had to do as creative writing students.
I was inspired to write this after hearing Diane DeCillis‘s marvelous “I Will Revise” poetry writing parody, so thanks to Diane! Here’s to revising!
I WILL REVISE
− After “I Will Revise” by Diane DeCillis and the song, “I Will Survive” by Gloria Gaynor
At first I was aghast, I was mortified,
Being told that using adverbs was as good as suicide,
And then I spent so many nights
Thinking how I screwed it up,
But I got smart and I learned to suck it up.
And so I’m back, no time to waste,
I just deleted all the weaker verbs that slow the narrative pace.
I will change that point of view.
I will make my heroes flawed.
And if I make the subtext understood, the end won’t seem so odd.
I’ll sabotage my characters,
Give them hidden motives,
To hell with editors
Who rejected me so many times all I did was cry.
Did I delete? Did you think I’d personify?
Oh no not I. I will revise.
As long as I can show, not tell, I’ll never summarize.
I’ve got scenes to scandalize.
And villains to disguise, and I’ll revise,
I will revise, hey, hey
I froze my ass in Maine to learn how to plot,
Kept sending monthly packets to be told I overshot.
I stayed up so many nights,
Gulping Ritalin and wine
To annotate, but now I hold my thesis high.
And you see me, my MFA,
I’m not that constipated writer who outlines every day,
And so look out Stephen King,
Nora Roberts better run,
Cause I’m tossing out my aphorisms and all my dopey puns.
I’ll sabotage my characters,
Give them hidden motives,
To hell with editors
Who rejected me so many times that all I did was cry.
Did I delete? Did you think I’d personify?
Oh no not I. I will revise.
As long as I can show, not tell, I’ll never summarize.
I’ve got scenes to scandalize
And villains to disguise, and I’ll revise.
I will revise, I will revise…
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Thank you for visiting.
Linda K. Sienkiewicz is a writer, poet, and artist:
Multi-finalist award winning novel In the Context of Love
Picture book Gordy and the Ghost Crab
Latest poetry chapbook: Sleepwalker
Connect with Linda: LinkTree
Cute. Lots of truth in a fun way. Would like to see the performance. Myself, I’m inspired to try writing a rap after seeing Hamilton.
You should totally try it, Barbara! Diane Decillis had her poetry students write a rap. It’s a great exercise.
How much fun is this? I wanna keep a copy by my desk. Love it and thanks for the laugh. — Paige Bainbridge
You’re welcome, Paige. Glad you enjoyed it so much!
Linda you are truly an inspiration. Love you and all those words you’ve presented in black and white. I can see you performing this song with ML’s band. Love,
Bethany
Thanks, dear Bethany. When I performed this at Stonecoast, I had no accompaniment. Good grief it was hard.
Marvelous! Thanks for a much-needed laugh.
You’re so welcome. Did you sing along?!
This is great, Linda—brava on a bravura piece!!
Linda Nemec Foster
Hey, Linda, thank you! And thanks for stopping by!
LOVE it! Tried to like it too but Word Press is not letting me.
That pesky WordPress. It can be quirky. Thanks for the love, Cynthia!