Pet Grief: Don’t let anyone tell you it’s not real

You know it’s coming:

This illustration of a herd of corgis racing into heaven as Queen Elizabeth waited to greet them recently brought me to tears. I still miss my corgi Clementine after losing her 5 months ago.

Yet, when you adopt a dog or cat, you know you will likely outlive them. It’s part of animal ownership that someday we’ll have to make that awful decision to let them go when their health fails. By the way, I hate that phrase “put down,” as in “We had to put down our shih tzu.” Anyway, knowing what’s coming sure doesn’t make it easier.

One of the reasons pet loss hits hard is because our relationship is so uncomplicated. Well, sure, a dog can pull your prescription eyeglasses out of your purse and chew them to bits, as out Lab did as a pup, or soil your new rug, and it’s no fun when the cat shreds your couch, but we don’t fault them for bad behavior in the same way we might fault an ex for cheating on us. What they give us, and what we give back, isn’t the same as in a human relationship. Dogs are unconditionally loving. They greet you every single morning and after every absence as if to say “It’s YOU! You came back! Gosh, I love you. What’s up?”

And then the time arrives

The responsibility pet owners feel toward their animals is profound. It’s devastating when you have schedule a euthanasia appointment for an ailing pet, and you know they have no concept of what’s coming. It seems underhanded and deceitful. Even though Clementine was in pain and her quality of life was zero (she wasn’t eating or drinking), I still felt like a shit when the vet arrived with her big black bag.

“It’s a special relationship that we take on, as the people responsible to keep them safe and healthy and alive … to then have to make the decision for them to die, it goes against everything,” says Michelle Crossley, an associate professor of clinical mental health counseling at Rhode Island College and vice president of the Association for Pet Loss and Bereavement. “That’s super challenging for folks to wrap their heads around; people end up experiencing some guilt.”

A neighbor once told me she simply couldn’t bear to adopt another dog because the pain of having to lose them is too great.

Don’t be ashamed to grieve. Anyone who tells you, “Come on. It’s just an animal,” when you’re grieving is the one who should feel shame.

Best Friends Resources says rituals can be healing. “Whether it’s a birthday, gotcha day, holiday, or any day of celebration, we should take the time to acknowledge the bonds shared with our pets by continuing traditions. In this webinar, you’ll learn how traditions can help you cope with your loss and how creating a memorial or a celebration of life can help you move through your grief.”

Making a chalkboard message with Clementine as an angel over the rainbow bridge for my porch helped me. The many condolences I received from neighbors and strangers who saw the sign as they walked past was a great comfort. It showed me I was not alone in experiencing this kind of loss.

Thank you for visiting.

Linda K. Sienkiewicz is a writer, poet, and artist:
Multi-finalist award winning novel In the Context of Love
Picture book Gordy and the Ghost Crab
Latest poetry chapbook: Sleepwalker

Connect with Linda: LinkTree