Cheapo:
You might remember that viral Facebook post about a trucker’s list of 30 places women supposedly don’t want to go on a first date. The Cheesecake Factory topped the list.
I’m sure most of us can list automatic “no’s” when it comes to dating. When I was single, I wouldn’t have minded going to The Cheesecake Factory, but bad tipping was where I drew the line.
In the 70s, I went on a first date with a guy I’d met at a dance joint who actually emptied his pockets of change for the waitress at the Bavarian Buffet in Cleveland, Ohio. Yes, it was a buffet, but still. I worked as a waitress myself while going to art school, so I found this particularly infuriating. I protested, but he brushed it off.
The date got worse. We went to his apartment afterward where he suggested we read a Groucho Marx script, apparently so he could show off his acting skills. I shook my head and said, “I don’t think so.” He insisted. I said no. He actually badgered me. It felt like a community theater hostage situation. You’d have thought he was trying to talk me into bed.
That week, he started calling me every day from his work. Several times a day. Apparently, he misread that first date.
I am terrible at confrontation, so I told him I was getting back together with an old boyfriend. It’s not exactly my proudest moment in honesty. A few months later, I ran into him again at the same dance place where we met. The look on his face was priceless: shock and betrayal, like I’d been caught cheating on our imaginary theater reunion tour. Horrified, I walked away. Thank goodness he didn’t follow me.
Mother-yellers
Another guy and I talked a few times on the phone after a so-so first date. I was willing to give him a little time, until I heard him bark at his mother, who’d had the gall to ask him to do something for her while he was on the phone. Then he started yelling at his sister.
Red flag? More like a fireworks explosion for me, because if he’d yell at his mom like that, he’d definitely be yelling at me one day. I disconnected the phone and the relationship.
I Married the Bad Dancer
Spoiler alert: He tipped well and didn’t insult his mother.
My husband and I met after last call under a disco ball on a blinking dance floor at the Brown Derby Luv Pub in Ohio. Worse, I was drinking underage and my drink of choice at that time was a Colorado Motherf*cker. Looking back, I’m surprised he didn’t consider that a red flag.
On our second date, we stopped to visit his mother in the hospital. He kissed her cheek in front of me when we arrived. Properly introduced us. Spoke kindly to her. I can’t tell you how that impressed me.
He was a good tipper, too, and treated waitstaff like real people. He still tips generously, even during the during the pandemic when we ordered carry-out from a restaurant.
Say what you will about the unconventional circumstances when we met, but here we are, celebrating our 49th wedding anniversary later this week.
Speaking of bad first dates, Alice Silver Queen on TikTok talks about her “211 First Dates,” including the red flags (they are truly awful) she immediately spotted and the ones she missed. She is amusing, but it sounds to me like she’s done. Like, done, done. Check out alisilversurfer if you’re interested.
Tell me: what are (were) your dating red flags? Bad tippers? Amateur thespians? Mother-yellers? Drop your stories in the comments so we can cringe together.
Thank you for visiting.
Linda K. Sienkiewicz is a wrangler of words and big messy feelings in fiction and poetry.
In the Context of Love | Gordy and the Ghost Crab | Sleepwalker
Love and Other Incurable Ailments, coming fall 2026 from Regal House Publishing
Connect with Linda on social media: LinkTree