The danger in chasing approval
Social media can be a wonderful place. It connects us to friends, readers, fellow creatives, and communities we might never have found otherwise. But it can also sabotage us when we let it feed our need for constant validation.
Have you ever found yourself checking back to see how many likes your post or reel received? Or wondering, “Why did that person’s reel get so many more views than mine?” Maybe you’ve thought, “Did anyone even see my latest post?”
Sometimes it’s not the silence that hurts either. Recently, I shared something I didn’t think was controversial at all, only to have two “friends” respond with unexpectedly ugly comments. It shocked me. I replied calmly and factually, then I heard nothing back. No follow-up, no conversation. Just silence.
That kind of moment can sting. It can make you question yourself, your words, even your instincts about people. I have had to repeat to myself that other people’s reactions–whether the silence of no “likes” or the sting of a negative response–are not a reflection of my worth.
This is why:
- Your value isn’t measured in likes.
- Your creativity isn’t validated by hearts.
- Your voice doesn’t matter less because someone disagreed or shredded it.
When it hurts your brain
If you find that social media feels toxic or, as a friend of mine said, it’s “hurting your brain,” please take a step back. Ask yourself: Who (or what) am I following that makes me feel this way? The beauty of these platforms is that you have more control than you might realize. You can mute, unfollow, or block. You can seek out people and communities who uplift, inspire, and support you. With a few tweaks, your feed can shift from draining to nourishing. Leave the toxic groups. Stop the news if it upsets you. Ignore naysayers. People thrive on anonymity, or the ability to attack and run, as did my so-called friends. Those people don’t deserve your friendship.
In my opinion one of the biggest culprits of online negativity are memes–the ones that aren’t meant to invite discussion but are purposely created to inflame, insult, or clap back. They don’t encourage conversation. They shut it down. If those posts leave you upset or drained, hide them or unfollow those accounts.
The Reels Trap
And then there’s TikTok and Instagram. If you’ve ever poured your heart into a video, thinking this one’s going to take off, only to have it languish with barely any views, you know the sting.
What makes it worse are the endless reels that pop up in your feed yelling (literally), “If your views are stuck at 300, you’re doing it wrong!”—always followed by an offer to “fix” your account if you just follow their advice. Argh. The message is clear: if your content isn’t performing, you’re the problem.
You’re not doing it wrong. Algorithms are unpredictable. Timing, trends, and sheer chance often matter more than effort or creativity. A low view count doesn’t mean you’re failing.
That’s why it’s so important not to tie your self-worth (or creative worth) to numbers. Share what matters to you and let the metrics take care of themselves.
Find Balance and Protect Your Peace
What matters in the end is how you protect your mental space. Show up (or don’t!) online in ways that feel authentic, not in ways that drain you. Share because you have something to say, not because you need validation. Don’t let social media define your self-worth.
So, the next time you’re tempted to tie your self-esteem to a number or to the approval of others, pause. Breathe. Remember: you are more than your online metrics, and far more than a stranger’s careless words. Take a look at some practical approaches based on recent studies from Assured Health. Call a friend. Meet for coffee.
Algorithms can’t measure your heart, your creativity, or your worth.
Thank you for visiting!
Author Linda K. Sienkiewicz is a wrangler of words and big messy feelings. Her second novel, Love and Other Incurable Ailments, is coming October 27, 2026, from Regal House Publishing: When love letters from a despondent stranger land in her lap, an anxiety-ridden overthinker becomes convinced she’s the cure, and sets off to save him, and herself, blissfully armed with nothing but magical thinking.
Connect with Linda on social media via LinkTree. Check out Linda’s Books.
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