One highlight of The University of Southern Maine MFA program is their annual talent show. When I was a student ten years ago, we enjoyed everything from clarinet recitals, hula hoop performances and one-act plays to an excellent demonstration of finger shadow skills. My debut in the talent show was to sing a rewrite of Gaynor’s song depicting the work we had to do as creative writing students.

I was inspired to write this after hearing Diane DeCillis‘s marvelous “I Will Revise” poetry writing parody, so thanks to Diane! Here’s to revising!

I WILL REVISE

− After “I Will Revise” by Diane DeCillis and the song, “I Will Survive” by Gloria Gaynor

At first I was aghast, I was mortified,
Being told that using adverbs was as good as suicide,
And then I spent so many nights
Thinking how I screwed it up,
But I got smart and I learned to suck it up.

And so I’m back, no time to waste,
I just deleted all the weaker verbs that slow the narrative pace.
I will change that point of view.
I will make my heroes flawed.
And if I make the subtext understood, the end won’t seem so odd.

I’ll sabotage my characters,
Give them hidden motives,
To hell with editors
Who rejected me so many times all I did was cry.
Did I delete?  Did you think I’d personify?

Oh no not I. I will revise.
As long as I can show, not tell, I’ll never summarize.
I’ve got scenes to scandalize.
And villains to disguise, and I’ll revise,
I will revise, hey, hey

I froze my ass in Maine to learn how to plot,
Kept sending monthly packets to be told I overshot.
I stayed up so many nights,
Gulping Ritalin and wine
To annotate, but now I hold my thesis high.

And you see me, my MFA,
I’m not that constipated writer who outlines every day,
And so look out Stephen King,
Nora Roberts better run,
Cause I’m tossing out my aphorisms and all my dopey puns.

I’ll sabotage my characters,
Give them hidden motives,
To hell with editors
Who rejected me so many times that all I did was cry.
Did I delete? Did you think I’d personify?

Oh no not I. I will revise.
As long as I can show, not tell, I’ll never summarize.
I’ve got scenes to scandalize
And villains to disguise, and I’ll revise.
I will revise, I will revise…

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Thank you for visiting.

Linda K. Sienkiewicz is a writer, poet, and artist:
Multi-finalist award winning novel In the Context of Love
Picture book Gordy and the Ghost Crab
Latest poetry chapbook: Sleepwalker

Connect with Linda: LinkTree