Sleep Interruptus
A few months ago I took up an old habit with new regularity: Snoring. I snore so loud I wake myself up. That, or my husband nudges me so I roll over or fluff my pillow.
If he tells me that didn’t stop the snoring, I stumble to the bathroom to apply a nasal strip. First you have to wash your nose so it’s squeaky clean; otherwise the nasal strip won’t stick. Then you have to get the strip out of the wrapper, which is like a bandage wrapper. When you’re discombobulated and squinting to see in the dim light from the shower (because the mirror lights are way too bright at 2 am), the wrapper can be hard to open. After you accomplish that, you then have to be sure you apply the strip on just the right spot of your nose.
Don’t ask what it’s like to peel the strip off in the morning.
Sometimes the nasal strips work, but apparently I can be a persistent snorer.
Jackhammers from hell
I feel guilty for disturbing my husband’s sleep, although, in the past, his bruxism kept me up too many nights. If you’ve never slept next to someone who grinds their teeth at night, it’s not only disruptive, it’s disturbing, too. In a poem, I liken the sound to “a demolition crew from hell, brandishing thunderous jackhammers” that “crashes the bedroom ceiling with earsplitting destruction and blasts my idyllic dream of a Bride Magazine marriage.” Pulverizing your teeth makes a horrible noise. Eventually, after thirty-some years, he consulted a dentist. He wears a CPAP machine for sleep apnea as well as a mouth guard, and sleeps quietly.
Except when my snoring awakens him.
Snoring options
What options do I have? A Zyppah device, which runs about a hundred bucks, supposedly holds your tongue in place. Try getting a good night’s sleep with that.
The dentist offered to fit me with a mouth appliance that moves your lower jaw forward, while it sets your wallet back over a thousand dollars. I think congestion from allergies is what’s making me snore, so I doubt neither of these approaches will help, although my high-tech dentist is convinced an appliance will help. In fact, on his suggestion, I wore a portable sleep device that recorded my breathing, heartbeat and whatever else. I strapped a long plastic tubing with little nozzles for each nostril around my head, and a another tube attached to a monitor belt. The part that rested under my nose was a hard plastic with a sharp edge. A clamp on my index finger also hooked up to the the waist monitor, and the tube had to be taped to my arm. It made for an uncomfortable night. When I returned the gadget, the tech told me I’d only slept for four hours. “I’m not surprised!” I said. Since the results were inconclusive, the tech suggested try it again, but I have yet to do so. Can you blame me? (By the way, if you wear a dental appliance for snoring, does it work?)
A TV ad for a Sleep Number bed looks promising –the woman starts snoring, and her male partner presses the button on a remote to lift her side of the bed, and she magically stops. Could it be that easy?
The next best thing
The beds are expensive, however, and we kind of like our bed. I found the next best thing, a giant wedge at Bed, Bath and Beyond. It took a few nights for me to get used to sleeping on it, but it seems to work. My husband says I only snore occasionally. I also breath easier at night.
However, our dog, who recently started sleeping at the foot of our bed, started snoring. She has an endearing, soft, regular snore that makes us giggle. For whatever reason, we seem to tolerate her snoring much better than each other’s nocturnal noises.
Linda K. Sienkiewicz is the author of the award-winning novel In the Context of Love, a story about one woman’s need to tell her truth without shame. Discovering who you want to be isn’t easy when you can’t leave the past behind.
2017 New Apple Book Awards Official Selection
2016 Sarton Women’s Fiction Finalist
2016 Eric Hoffer Book Award Finalist
2016 Readers’ Favorite Finalist
2016 USA Book News Best Book Finalist
“…at once a love story, a cautionary tale, and an inspirational journey.” ~ Bonnie Jo Campbell, author of National Book Award Finalist, American Salvage, and critically acclaimed Once Upon a River,and Mothers, Tell Your Daughters
“With tenderness, but without blinking, Linda K. Sienkiewicz turns her eye on the predator-prey savannah of the young and still somehow hopeful.” ~ Jacquelyn Mitchard, author of the #1 NY Times Bestseller, Deep End of the Ocean
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