What:
I’ve written two books in the genre of self-help and spirituality. The first, published in 2011, is It’s Not Personal: Lessons I’ve Learned from Dealing with Difficult Behavior. In the book, I recount some of the difficult behavior I’ve encountered, and the spiritual lessons I learned from those encounters. My most recent book, Acting “As If”: Meditations of a Recovering Enabler, was published in late November 2019. It offers a two-page meditation for each day of the month, as well as nine bonus pages, called, Magnifiers, that focus on topics included in the daily meditations. These topics are fear tactics, guilt tactics, tough decisions, forgiveness, creativity, bullying, inconsiderate behavior, proper focus, and style as substance.
Why:
From the titles of my books, you can tell I’m interested in psychology. Even as a girl, I’d gravitate toward the self-help shelves in libraries and local bookstores. Sometimes, I think of self-help books as cookbooks for living…which is why it might not seem so weird that in a recent blog I combined my recipe for Organic + Vegan + Gluten-Free Fudge with a plug for my books!
I grew up as a people-pleaser. I didn’t consciously choose that role. I was the youngest child in my family. Often, I felt I was expected to just go along with whatever others decided. I also wanted others to feel happy—sometimes, even at the expense of my own rights and feelings. So, I would sometimes do their work for them or say “yes” to unreasonable requests. If people started an argument or expressed a negative opinion of me, I’d try to win the argument or defend my reputation.
I didn’t realize that I was acting like an Enabler—someone whose behavior inadvertently encourages others to act irresponsibly. I didn’t think of people-pleasing as dysfunctional…until I read Codependent No More, a book by Melody Beattie. In her book, Beattie discusses enabling, also called codependency, and how to stop playing the Enabler role with others. While reading her book, I nodded through passage after passage, realizing how well she had described my own pre-recovering behavior.
Her book motivated me to change how I behaved. I was determined that, even if I felt uncomfortable changing my behavior, I would “fake it” if I had to. At first, I did feel uncomfortable with the new behaviors. But the feeling wore off, and I realized I could act first and “feel it” later. In practicing these new behaviors, I wanted to remember what I was learning and doing. So, I started to write short meditations to remind myself of key points. These meditations are now the heart of Acting “As If.”
Reading a daily selection from Acting “As If” remains part of my morning meditation time, along with selections from several other meditation books. Sometimes, I’ll also search for a particular meditation or Magnifier that fits a situation I’m currently dealing with. I find that the monthly format offers me the repetition I need to truly absorb these lessons in recovering behavior.
I use the term “recovering” instead of “recovered.” Why? Because I don’t consider myself fully recovered or cured of my enabling behavior. It’s all too easy for me to forget that my rights and feelings count just as much as the rights and feelings of others. It’s all too simple for me to fall back into people-pleasing or trying to make others happy. Of course, I hope that others are happy—the problem for recovering enablers is remembering that we cannot do for others what only they can do for themselves. We’re only responsible for behaving reasonably and acting with goodwill.
How:
I am a layperson. My books cannot substitute for the advice of a caring and competent physician or professional therapist. I wrote my books in the spirit of a friend talking over a cup of coffee, sharing stories of my experiences and what I found helpful in my life. Sometimes, that includes cut-to-the-chase advice.
I realize some my thoughts may echo the thoughts of others. However, I’d be surprised if they didn’t. Authors have been writing about their relationships with others since recorded time. My goal here is not to plow new ground but to put into my own words the truths I’ve learned personally through trial and lots of error.
I hope that my interpretation of these truths will resonate with readers today—and that readers will find the one-short-reading-per-day format useful in today’s fast-paced world.
Bio:
Cindy is a native of Southeastern Michigan who graduated from Wayne State University in Detroit. She has reported for daily and weekly newspapers in Michigan and Ohio, served in corporate media relations, and consulted on editorial projects for nonprofit and for-profit organizations.
She has earned an award for investigative reporting from the Associated Press Society of Ohio and an award for feature writing from the Detroit Chapter of the International Association of Business Communicators.
Cindy is a member of Phi Beta Kappa and Detroit Working Writers. She is the mother of three adult sons. Cindy and her husband live in Royal Oak, Michigan.
Links:
Linda K. Sienkiewicz is the author of the award-winning novel In the Context of Love, a story about one woman’s need to tell her truth without shame. Discovering who you want to be isn’t easy when you can’t leave the past behind.
2017 New Apple Book Awards Official Selection
2016 Sarton Women’s Fiction Finalist
2016 Eric Hoffer Book Award Finalist
2016 Readers’ Favorite Finalist
2016 USA Book News Best Book Finalist
“…at once a love story, a cautionary tale, and an inspirational journey.” ~ Bonnie Jo Campbell, author of National Book Award Finalist, American Salvage, and critically acclaimed Once Upon a River,and Mothers, Tell Your Daughters
“With tenderness, but without blinking, Linda K. Sienkiewicz turns her eye on the predator-prey savannah of the young and still somehow hopeful.” ~ Jacquelyn Mitchard, author of the #1 NY Times Bestseller, Deep End of the Ocean
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