What does it mean to celebrate a milestone when someone you love isn’t here to join you?
My second novel is being released on October 27, 2026.
That in itself should not feel emotionally complicated, but it is for me. Is it possible to be excited about something when October is approaching? Does happiness feel different when grief has marked my calendar?
September 29, 1979 is my eldest child’s birthday. October 26, 2011 is the date he took his own life. And now, tucked between those two dates and all the memories they carry, is a book release: something I have worked toward for years, something I am genuinely excited about, and something I intend to celebrate. Fully.
It’s a strange space to be in. Three things occupying the same stretch of time, each carrying completely different emotional weight.
It’s not that having my novel coming out now makes me feel sad. It doesn’t. I’ve continued writing after loss, not because I “healed” but because life continues to contain things worth making. And I don’t think my son’s death is tied to the release date, or that one gives the other any particular significance. I resist that kind of tidy connection.
His death was his death. This book is this book. The calendar doesn’t care about tidy distinctions.
Yet, here I am, making plans for a wonderful launch party and a slew of events while approaching the anniversary of the very worst day of my life. I’m talking about preorders and advance copies while privately remembering a birthday that can never be celebrated in the ordinary way.
But life is like that, isn’t it? There is joy. There is sorrow. And neither one seems particularly interested in getting out of the other’s way. There isn’t any neat lesson. I’m carrying what I can and noting how life can hold more than one truth without diminishing either.
I’ll likely feel a wide range of emotions, and being aware of all that might help make difficult dates manageable.
I’ve learned that grief doesn’t stop you from being happy, and being happy doesn’t mean you’ve stopped grieving. They just show up together.
I don’t have to choose between them.
